


aka i'm okay

by poseidon



Category: Jessica Jones (TV)
Genre: F/F, Friendship, Pining, Unrequited Love, mentions of Killgrave
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-13
Updated: 2015-12-13
Packaged: 2018-05-06 13:56:07
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,027
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5419598
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/poseidon/pseuds/poseidon
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It’s the least she can do. Jessica saved her, so Trish will always be there for Jessica.</p>
            </blockquote>





	aka i'm okay

Jessica starts her private investigations again when she gets back, almost as if she never left.

“I need the money,” is the reason she gives, but Trish knows that it’s not true and Jessica knows she knows but neither of them mention it and Trish lets her keep working.

“It helps her,” Malcolm assures her. “Gives her something to do.”

“Yeah,” Trish sighs, “but I wish it was something less… life-threatening.”

Malcolm nods. “I understand. But she’s Jessica. This is what she does.” He gives Trish a world-weary look, and Trish reciprocates in kind.

* * *

Sometimes she wakes up with a desperate need to put a bullet in her head because she wants to. Until she remembers that she doesn’t want to. That she never wanted to.

She usually doesn’t go back to sleep after that, instead getting up and reaching for her phone to look at that message. Those tiny words that pierced her skin all the way down to her heart.

_I love you_

She closes her eyes and imagines Jessica saying it to her, honestly, earnestly, until she remembers her face when she snapped Killgrave’s neck, when she was forced into that godawful smile, when she had to watch Trish being kissed by –

Trish takes a deep breath and goes to make coffee.

* * *

Jessica smiles less, but hints and slight smirks come out whenever they go out for coffee, or go have lunch, or just sit together in her office drinking cheap alcohol.

“How are you doing?” Trish asks one day.

“Fine,” Jessica replies, and Trish wonders why she expected anything different.

* * *

She wishes she didn’t ask for anything different, because that’s what she gets when she sees Luke Cage in Jessica’s office, the two sharing an intimate moment before Trish barged in. The fleeting glimpse of Jessica’s face – happy, unguarded – clenches something in Trish’s gut.

But she smiles at Luke and says, “Nice to see you again,” because how can she be angry at someone who makes Jess happy?

And Luke smiles back at her and Jessica smiles again.

* * *

When they were younger, Trish used to imagine what it’d be like to kiss Jess, to feel her soft lips and card her hands through her hair and hear her soft moans and just, let her feel loved in a way only a lover could.

She’d learned long ago that ‘lover’ wasn’t her role, as much as she wished it was.

* * *

She goes by the office one night to find the nurse – Claire, she remembers – leaving it, a first aid kit in her hand.

“Is Jessica okay?” she asks.

Claire nods. “She’s fine. Luke’s looking after her.”

Oh. “Oh,” Trish says. “Okay.”

“You’re Trish, right?” Claire asks, smiling a little. “Jessica’s told me a lot about you.”

Trish nods. “Yeah, we’re… we’re friends,” she says, and wonders why it’s getting a little harder to say that.

They stand there together, in an awkward silence, until Claire asks, “Do you want to get a drink?” and Trish replies, “Absolutely.”

* * *

It turns out that Claire also has a super-powered friend she may or may not be pining after, and they exchange a few stories back and forth about the ridiculous and downright dangerous antics that Mike and Jessica get in to, and it makes Trish feel a little better.

After a few drinks, she asks, “How do you do it?”

Claire raises a brow and brings her glass to her mouth.

“How do you… live with it? With them doing these things and you… being you?”

“Articulate,” Claire chuckles, leaning against the bar. She takes a moment before speaking, “You just… don’t ask for much. Let them come to you, patch them up, and watch them go. And then hope they come back.”

 _Hope they come back_ , Trish thinks, and remembers when Jessica left with Killgrave and came back broken, and when she left again and came back to destroy him. “So, basically what I’ve always been doing,” she sighs.

Claire responds by ordering another round and the two of them drink for a long while.

* * *

“What do you think of Luke?” Trish asks Malcolm one day.

Malcolm shrugs. “He’s… alright. Doesn’t seem to be hurting her, letting her go at her own pace.”

“That’s good,” Trish says.

Malcolm looks at her. “What do _you_ think of him?”

Trish shrugs as well. “If Jess likes him, then he’s fine by me.”

“Are you sure?” he asks.

Trish nods. “Yeah, he’s fine. He’s fine – good for her. She smiles a lot when he’s around, laughs even. He makes her… He makes her happy, and that’s enough.”

Malcolm puts a hand on her shoulder and politely ignores it when Trish wipes her eyes with the palms of her hands.

* * *

Trish loves her, has always loved her, will always love her, and will always do the right thing for her.

It’s the least she can do. Jessica saved her, so Trish will always be there for Jessica.

* * *

Sometimes she imagines walking up to her and telling her how she feels. How grateful she is to have Jess in her life. How happy she was to see her alive and safe, every time she went out and almost got herself killed. How she was lonely and afraid and Jess helped her and they helped each other and somewhere along the way Trish fell in love with her and she knows it’s a mistake but she doesn’t want it to be because she loves her so much and it’s the best feeling in the world and also the worst.

Because Jess doesn’t love her like that.

But it’s okay.

“I’m okay,” Trish tells herself. And one day it’ll be true.

* * *

Jessica is alone in her office one night when Trish brings down a stack of files her mother sent over, and Jess cracks her fingers and takes a swig from her bottle and starts working as Trish takes a seat beside her and picks up a file.

Trish takes a deep breath. “Jess?”

“Yeah?” Jess says.

She takes another deep breath. “I’m… I’m glad you’re okay.”

Jess raises a brow before giving away to a smile, and Trish breathes a little easier.


End file.
